Why is it so hard to Take?

Life, in reference to the title. why? the other day i was sitting, drunk in muy backyard, smoking and getting away from my memories and false hopes and i saw a bumblebee, one of my favourite creature, laying, broken on the ground, its waing no longer able to fly. i loked at it for a long time looked at its inability to fly anymore and it made me so sad. like a boy bouncing a ball waiting for someone to join in or a girl looking for a prom date or me. i stepped on the poor bastard to put him her out o fits misery, not wantimng trhe ants to eat it alaive. it was one of the saddest moments i have experienced in a long time. why is that? why does the death of somethning so small mean so much? ahhh such a quewstion! because these things mean to us and to me christ almiighty i need to leave online networking behind and die an e death, dont want it anymoir,. don'tr wabnt to be coonected or anything. it will only cause heartache and tired masterbation that only causes well, i said that already didnt i? smashing myselfd in bars around town doesnt help and after too much to drink i',m still too fucking lucid. where is the angel of forgetfulness, so i can stop bothering all yuo peoiple with my frustratiomn and need. it isn't at the bottom of a pint nor is it in time nor knowing nor anything. i tear my hair out. i tear my heart out. i want to. smashimng and smashing agian and agian where is my giant rabbit and soundtrack. staring atr fucking keys on a jkey board i write aat length in a diary and hate mys4elf and drink and sm,okje. christ almighty i'm such a loser and and .........and. last action hereo. i spent the last two days watching his movies and thinkng why. it isnt fun and i dont do it on puurposae aND am i nice guy i think hope want to be. now i get stoned. feelin good, feelin oh, so fine, until tomorrow but that just some other time.