fixed, forked, and fortified

my phone keeps rubbing my leg. its vibrating the whole night.
i read the text. my company is request northward. but i don't mind it where i am.
but i, being the gentleman that i am, oblige and head to Sneaky Dees. a bar that i thought i could wash off my skin completely but the stench of it lingers. It smells of new flesh. younger flesh. and too many green coloured bottles downed much too quickly.
I'm half in the bag a sit down with a green bottle waiting and willing on table sitting across from young flesh that's grasping on to young flesh.
we start talking about film and i get it right away.
I'm the elder here. i have the right of way. these bodies shiver in my presence but they have balls, unlike i did when i was them. they want to impress but they can't. i have know more, i call their bluffs i see through their bullshit.
this new requesting flesh rubbing on newer flesh keeps making eyes with me and i should feel alone. i should feel ashamed or at least some what embarrassed. but i ain't. I'm half gone and all i really need is to finish this bottle and get out of here.
i down it quick and tell the kiddies to fuck off about star trek.
i go to unlock my bike, drunk and riding is never a good idea but fuck it, i wear a helmet.
this desperate youth hugs me, kisses me gently asks me how i've been. i laugh and nod along, i tell her that it was nice to meet her new boyfriend. and she laughs, longer than she ought to.
she says "no, god no. he isn't my boyfriend. he's asleep. this is just some guy. oh i'm so bad" she says laughing. repeating it over and over whilst giggling "i'm so bad"
then she looks me square in the eyes and says "sorry"
i bite down on the cigarette i'm lighting up and say "its ok"
but what im really thinking is "im glad im not your boyfriend"
on my ride home i see the two young bodies in a fury on the street. unashamed, unworried, letting go. giving it their all cause really, fuck it. right? just fuck it.
i should feel old. my bones should wiggle with tension but i dont care anymore.
im too old to mind and too young to care.
its all big joke.

i get home and a group of men are yelling "GANG BANG GANG BANG!" and a giggling girl on their walk home. some nights you realize that no matter where you could be in the world, whether it be hitting on Swiss women in the alps, necking on a canoe in the Yukon, or just making love to your computer in a Brooklyn loft. that no matter where we are we are all too silly. too quick at the draw. too willing, yet too withholding.
the women want husbands, the men want concubines. and the meek shall inherit the Earth.

today was the first day i rode my bike without holding the bars. i pedaled and dance down every street i could. i did it drunk on the way home too. i think it comes from an overwhelming feeling of just letting go. not fearing the biting of the curb and embracing sun and moon beams alike.
The city is mating, the people are fucking in disgusting ways, and some of us are drinking too much. we are the people of the streets under pressure.
pressure pushing down on me, its pushing down on you