Hey, I can light my own cigarette!

And i chain smoked my way home.
Because i don't understand when they all stopped loving me. When I became an enemy. When i needed a scapegoat. probably around the time i needed them and they abandoned me. I love how friendship works.
I met you on the bus. which i hate. it was awkward because you are awkward. When did you become so fucking awkward? maybe it was after our last/the worlds worst send off kiss. The memory of that moment is where kisses go to die. Youve gotten hotter since we ended. more defined, you've kept the chest hair, but you still wear those goddamn glasses. Me? i'd like to saythat i've changed to whether better or worse but really i dont care. because your girlfriend is a horse face. she has a horse for a face. There it's said. We all thought it but no one said it.
Then Mr.Comfort walks in and I know I'm screwed. this used to be a good thing. But I don't want it. i don't want to fall back into our old patterns. Though its like a blanket... its also on fire. you are my blanket on fire. And people always get burned by fire-blankets. We both just sat there with our beers, me wanting out, you wanting whatever it is you long for lately (which is comfort. because you are lonely. and you miss our friendship. and you miss the girl who didnt hold on.)
so when your lips touched my ear every moment rushed back. arms pinned brick walls waking up roommates up until all hours turning nouns to verbs and verbing until ouur bodies couldnt move the broken bed and subsequently the floor. so you ask to be my scapegoat. Although I do have the urge to ram my cellphone stroight through my head to get away from these people and their over negativity I just... laugh. And I let you go on your own. And I'm oddly proud of it.
Because i need to let you go.

Now i'm here and I realize i donthave anything from before and im so different and they havent changed with me. i feel more lost than I ever should. im lost on in my own maze and i think the maze is on an island because I can't seem to find anyone around here. let alone someone who knows the way.