Dear life: what the fuck is up with you? -love nadia

Mr. Perfect didn't even hug me when he left. I didn't even get so much as a wave. I'll never understand him, how one minute he cant live witiout me, an dthe next he cant even look at me.

I had my first panic attack in alomost a year tonight. just on the insid though. i hide it from the world physically but ,entall i was losing my shit. i saw HIM for the first time in 2 years. and i didnt know what to do. i loved him. I realy truely loved him. deeper thatn any relationship. deeper than any friendship. we fit and we were perfect. nothing of a sexual nature to dilute the perfectness. and so when we fell apart it was bad and slow and painful. then we didnt speak for 2 years. 2 fucking goddamn shit eating years. im still shocked it even hapened. and 2 years later i made the first move to civility, i said "good to seee you" he vaguely nodded in my direction. if it wasnt for the people i met later i wouldve lost my mind. either way i feel the need to drown in my own pitiful tears, dreaming of th one truth i thought id hold on to forever.

thank god i had that epiphany today, cuz if i didnt i would have sought out anger and general fuck up-ed ness tonight to try and satisfy my own unsatisfaction with myself. someone could have gotten real fucked up tonight.

Havoc (?) k?

Malice! here we are with a hundred angry houswives. ima start writintg my masterpiece. be ready! iut's going to be about the mocies. and maybe love. always love, it infects a mans thought as much as dicks and pussy do. ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh yyyyyyeaaaaaaaaaahh!!! aside from being infantile i spend my dreams dreaming for the most part. i want moon sky gnats and the mythbusters to be with me again. along with being the boyfreind for the night. oh toronty.

four toppings

the only thing carrying me right now is great melody and the abscence of anything worth giving a damn about.

i know we're all sitting in our apartments contemplating the ever impossible "next move" so i'll make it easy for you.

the "next move" is always next. will we ever make it? i doubt it. we'll keep chewing shredded gum pretending it's tabacco playing songs from the 60's and thinking of past lives we never really lived.
how's that for the new era.

being young is good cause we got dreams, its only when we become everybody else, too old for those dreams to mean anything that we sit around happy at any little thing. oh man life.... life... too wrong for this cage.

nicholas cage... nicholas cafe... nick cage cafe, double americanos with a shot of gun pwder while Iris by the goo goo dolls plays while you add in you conair cream... no white rooms, just dance.

baby.... i need your loving... got to have all your loving

Le Sigh... that's french for Sigh.

I miss the JPers. So very very much. Tongiht just solidified it.

Can we all go out and get drunk and be nostalgic even though it was only a few months ago?

I love you all.