Mr. Perfect didn't even hug me when he left. I didn't even get so much as a wave. I'll never understand him, how one minute he cant live witiout me, an dthe next he cant even look at me.
I had my first panic attack in alomost a year tonight. just on the insid though. i hide it from the world physically but ,entall i was losing my shit. i saw HIM for the first time in 2 years. and i didnt know what to do. i loved him. I realy truely loved him. deeper thatn any relationship. deeper than any friendship. we fit and we were perfect. nothing of a sexual nature to dilute the perfectness. and so when we fell apart it was bad and slow and painful. then we didnt speak for 2 years. 2 fucking goddamn shit eating years. im still shocked it even hapened. and 2 years later i made the first move to civility, i said "good to seee you" he vaguely nodded in my direction. if it wasnt for the people i met later i wouldve lost my mind. either way i feel the need to drown in my own pitiful tears, dreaming of th one truth i thought id hold on to forever.
thank god i had that epiphany today, cuz if i didnt i would have sought out anger and general fuck up-ed ness tonight to try and satisfy my own unsatisfaction with myself. someone could have gotten real fucked up tonight.
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